My Achy Breaky Heart

After twelve years I would think it would get easier.  But usually the week of, the day before, the day of, the loss of my baby girl I begin to crumble.  It has begun.  A terrible sadness, a flood of tears, a feeling of emptiness pervading my soul.   It's almost like my body even begins to remember the day.  It becomes physical.  An ache deep inside.  It is a hurt I cannot deny.  Mentally and psychologically I cannot talk myself into happiness these particular days.  Even as I count my blessings one by one the sadness doesn't go away.  So I, for a few days a year, will allow myself to give in to the sorrow.  Deep, deep sorrow.  And I will grieve once more.  For I know the grief process is a healing process.  December 14.  A day forever inscribed on my heart.